Usually when you think about having kids in an abstract manner, most people think it would be nice to have both boys and girls. No one is ever like "Oh, I only want boys!" or "I'm only having girls!" You know? But you can't really plan it out, what sex of child you have. And that's how I ended up with three boys.
Yes, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a girl. I know that having a girl would make for a very different parenting experience for my husband, at least, since having three sons means having three guys who are obsessed with your wife. (Every boy starts out as a mama's boy.) A girl would be nice to have around to play Barbies with, I think. I was a big time Barbie-devotee back in the day.
But you know what? I love my boys and I would totally be a really horrible mother to a girl.
This is how I know. As we were leaving the gym today, we were parked next to a vanful of little girls who were piling out as we were going to pile in. I told my guys to wait and let the girls go first, reminding them "Ladies first". (I am doing my part to add some gentlemen to the male population)
Anyway, as the little princesses passed by, I happened to hear one wee one, maybe 3-ish, complaining to her mom about her sister. I didn't catch most of it, but what I did hear was "I'm so upset because she is hurting my feelings."
I think I probably looked at her like she was an alien. I have never once in my life heard one of my boys talk say "hurting my feelings." And this is how I know I would be a terrible mother to girls. My response to "she is hurting my feelings" would totally be "get over it." I'm so mean. Or, I'm just meant to mother boys.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Hot mess
I have to rant a little here. What is up with the people who go to the gym to workout, then don't workout?
In any given fitness class, about half (or more) of the class walks out of the class with their hair still perfect, not a drop of sweat anywhere to be seen. What is the point of that? Why spend an hour or more in a shoved in a tiny room with dozens of strangers if you aren't even going to move and make it worth your while?
Yes, everyone should listen to their bodies and move at their own pace. But seriously, the perfect hairstyle ladies drive me crazy. And I think I drive them crazy too, because I am the anti-perfect hairstyle lady. I am literally a hot mess when I workout. If I don't have fuck-me-hair (that's a Mario expression)when I'm done working out, I consider the experience a failure.
When I go to workout, I want to get my money's worth. For example, in Zumba class, it's supposed to be dancey. Lots of corny cha-chas and dips and nerdy stuff like that (not knocking it at all. I love nerdy in all shapes and forms) But then there is often a lot of hip bumps and shimmies and thrusting and that kind of business. I am really not a good dancer at all, but I BRING IT when it comes to a good hip thrust. While the fake blonde, not a hair out of place women are demurely swaying front and back about an inch, I'm going at it like a drunk, uncoordinated stripper. While they frantically towel off a stray drop of sweat that might happen to seep out of a single pore, I'm looking like 1970's era, fat, sweaty Elvis.
See Exhibit A
Today in a Zumba class, after a particularly hip-centered number, I heard two of the non-movers behind me say, in a catty, shocked tone "There are children in here!"
So the fuck what? People for some reason bring their kids to the class with them a lot. Not sure why. If they were participating, it would be one thing, but most of them just sit off to the side and watch. Annoying.
Anyway, what is wrong with kids seeing some shimmying and hip shaking? Every freaking day, my kids and I watch a Michael Jackson concert dvd. We dance along with it and sorry, but MJ's moves are not rated G.
See exhibit b
(Side note: based on that video, I think every man in the universe should be required to buy a pair of metallic gold pants.)
I also like to hula hoop while watching music videos with the kids and nothing gets the hips shaking like a hula hoop. I don't think my kids will grow up to be sexual deviants because we dance a lot. At least they won't grow up to be repressed extras from the cast of "Footloose". People get so hung up on themselves. Because they're too self-conscious or whatever to shake their asses, they think everyone should be.
People are afraid of sweat too, I think. Sweat is good. Pretty much everything that is fun for me involves sweating. I'm not afraid of getting sweaty and hot. It means you're moving, you're burning calories, you're not sitting on your ass.
And personally, I think the sweaty look is a good look.
See Exhibit C (try 2:07-ish)
I developed a big-time girl crush on Gwen Stefani back in high school, pretty much based on this. Or maybe not so much a girl crush, but I wanted to be her, and jump around all sweaty on a stage, wearing a crop top. (I couldn't wear the crop top then, and I can't today. Unless Santa brings me a tummy tuck for Christmas.)
What I really need to do is find a cardio striptease class in the QCs. And if I can't find one, I need to start one! How much fun would that be? And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to find a stripper pole class. They have those in big cities, but not around here (believe me, I've done the research). All that twirling around and climbing and sliding looks like so much fun. You can buy stripper poles for home use and I SO wanted one, but my husband nixed the idea (yeah, I know, I don't get it either.)
So anyway, there's my little rant. People who aren't comfortable in their own skin drive me bonkers. If you want to stand there and sway a little bit and call it a workout, then wonder why you're not losing weight, more power to you. If I go to a dance class, I'm going to move. As long as I keep my clothes on, and leave out the Michael Jackson crotch grabs (in public anyway), what's the harm?
In any given fitness class, about half (or more) of the class walks out of the class with their hair still perfect, not a drop of sweat anywhere to be seen. What is the point of that? Why spend an hour or more in a shoved in a tiny room with dozens of strangers if you aren't even going to move and make it worth your while?
Yes, everyone should listen to their bodies and move at their own pace. But seriously, the perfect hairstyle ladies drive me crazy. And I think I drive them crazy too, because I am the anti-perfect hairstyle lady. I am literally a hot mess when I workout. If I don't have fuck-me-hair (that's a Mario expression)when I'm done working out, I consider the experience a failure.
When I go to workout, I want to get my money's worth. For example, in Zumba class, it's supposed to be dancey. Lots of corny cha-chas and dips and nerdy stuff like that (not knocking it at all. I love nerdy in all shapes and forms) But then there is often a lot of hip bumps and shimmies and thrusting and that kind of business. I am really not a good dancer at all, but I BRING IT when it comes to a good hip thrust. While the fake blonde, not a hair out of place women are demurely swaying front and back about an inch, I'm going at it like a drunk, uncoordinated stripper. While they frantically towel off a stray drop of sweat that might happen to seep out of a single pore, I'm looking like 1970's era, fat, sweaty Elvis.
See Exhibit A
Today in a Zumba class, after a particularly hip-centered number, I heard two of the non-movers behind me say, in a catty, shocked tone "There are children in here!"
So the fuck what? People for some reason bring their kids to the class with them a lot. Not sure why. If they were participating, it would be one thing, but most of them just sit off to the side and watch. Annoying.
Anyway, what is wrong with kids seeing some shimmying and hip shaking? Every freaking day, my kids and I watch a Michael Jackson concert dvd. We dance along with it and sorry, but MJ's moves are not rated G.
See exhibit b
(Side note: based on that video, I think every man in the universe should be required to buy a pair of metallic gold pants.)
I also like to hula hoop while watching music videos with the kids and nothing gets the hips shaking like a hula hoop. I don't think my kids will grow up to be sexual deviants because we dance a lot. At least they won't grow up to be repressed extras from the cast of "Footloose". People get so hung up on themselves. Because they're too self-conscious or whatever to shake their asses, they think everyone should be.
People are afraid of sweat too, I think. Sweat is good. Pretty much everything that is fun for me involves sweating. I'm not afraid of getting sweaty and hot. It means you're moving, you're burning calories, you're not sitting on your ass.
And personally, I think the sweaty look is a good look.
See Exhibit C (try 2:07-ish)
I developed a big-time girl crush on Gwen Stefani back in high school, pretty much based on this. Or maybe not so much a girl crush, but I wanted to be her, and jump around all sweaty on a stage, wearing a crop top. (I couldn't wear the crop top then, and I can't today. Unless Santa brings me a tummy tuck for Christmas.)
What I really need to do is find a cardio striptease class in the QCs. And if I can't find one, I need to start one! How much fun would that be? And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to find a stripper pole class. They have those in big cities, but not around here (believe me, I've done the research). All that twirling around and climbing and sliding looks like so much fun. You can buy stripper poles for home use and I SO wanted one, but my husband nixed the idea (yeah, I know, I don't get it either.)
So anyway, there's my little rant. People who aren't comfortable in their own skin drive me bonkers. If you want to stand there and sway a little bit and call it a workout, then wonder why you're not losing weight, more power to you. If I go to a dance class, I'm going to move. As long as I keep my clothes on, and leave out the Michael Jackson crotch grabs (in public anyway), what's the harm?
Monday, July 27, 2009
Poof
As of this post, I'm taking a sabbatical from having any sort of online presence. Facebook, myspace, blogging---all this virtual socialization is leaving me feeling very empty. It's not socialization, it's just all pretend. I need to either focus on making real-life friendships, or just come to terms with the fact that I am a social retard.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
MJ VIDS part II
I thought, should I really make a second blog of good Michael Jackson videos? Or will people think I'm a freak? Answers? Yes and Yes. So here goes:
1. Michael Jackson doing the robot over and over again. Enough said. It's awesomeness. He is the only person to ever actually do the robot and look like a robot.
2. Michael Jackson with an insane fan. Anyone else would have knocked this weirdo off the platform. Best part is at :53 when MJ changes the lyrics of the song to "Get this boy down please!"
3. Okay, break from MJ. This isn't Michael Jackson. I don't only watch Michael on youtube. I like to salivate over the Beatles. This is awesomeness. I want to see another remake of Lady Marmalade with Pink feat. Mya. feat. Christina. feat Missy. feat John Lennon
4. While we are on the subject of the Beatles, let's keep rolling with it. This is amazing. There are people today who still honestly, honestly, honestly think that the REAL Paul McCartney died in 1966 and was replaced with a body double. McCartney was on Letterman the other night and joked about it, but some people took the joke very seriously. (For the record, I totally think this is stupid, but even IF Paul is dead---and he's not--- and there's been this fake guy pretending to be paul for the last 40 years---and there hasn't---it would be okay by me. Post-1966 Paul is a way better musician and songwriter than pre-1966 Paul)
5. Back to MJ. Cute, embarassed MJ has his fly open onstage and has to do a quick fix (at 1:26) He freaking blushes! So cute! Plus I really like this song. Why is this song not more famous?
6. I don't even really know what's going on here, except that MJ has a bad case of the giggles
I think he's laughing at the guy's accent.
7. Kind of like here:
8. Pretty much worth it for Michael Jackson doing the robot to grocery store Muzak, and lusting over Elizabether Taylor---"That's what I'm talking about"
9. Aw! so sad!
10. Again, I feel like I should have 10 things in my list. Let me go find some awesomeness for you...
Like I said, awesomeness.
1. Michael Jackson doing the robot over and over again. Enough said. It's awesomeness. He is the only person to ever actually do the robot and look like a robot.
2. Michael Jackson with an insane fan. Anyone else would have knocked this weirdo off the platform. Best part is at :53 when MJ changes the lyrics of the song to "Get this boy down please!"
3. Okay, break from MJ. This isn't Michael Jackson. I don't only watch Michael on youtube. I like to salivate over the Beatles. This is awesomeness. I want to see another remake of Lady Marmalade with Pink feat. Mya. feat. Christina. feat Missy. feat John Lennon
4. While we are on the subject of the Beatles, let's keep rolling with it. This is amazing. There are people today who still honestly, honestly, honestly think that the REAL Paul McCartney died in 1966 and was replaced with a body double. McCartney was on Letterman the other night and joked about it, but some people took the joke very seriously. (For the record, I totally think this is stupid, but even IF Paul is dead---and he's not--- and there's been this fake guy pretending to be paul for the last 40 years---and there hasn't---it would be okay by me. Post-1966 Paul is a way better musician and songwriter than pre-1966 Paul)
5. Back to MJ. Cute, embarassed MJ has his fly open onstage and has to do a quick fix (at 1:26) He freaking blushes! So cute! Plus I really like this song. Why is this song not more famous?
6. I don't even really know what's going on here, except that MJ has a bad case of the giggles
I think he's laughing at the guy's accent.
7. Kind of like here:
8. Pretty much worth it for Michael Jackson doing the robot to grocery store Muzak, and lusting over Elizabether Taylor---"That's what I'm talking about"
9. Aw! so sad!
10. Again, I feel like I should have 10 things in my list. Let me go find some awesomeness for you...
Like I said, awesomeness.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
So for the last few weeks, I haven't been doing any sort of blogging. Or facebook quizzes or any of the other time wasters that I usually like to do on the internet. And that's because all of my spare computer time has been devoted to obsessively watching old Michael Jackson videos on youtube.
I'm really mourning way too much. I couldn't figure out why I was so sad, but then John Mayer put it in to words for me. He talked on Larry King about how for his (and my) generation, we were incredibly lucky to have Thriller be the first music we were introduced to. In his twitter updates, he wrote "I think we'll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player." And that just struck me as why I'm sad.
In 1983, Michael Jackson WAS music. And when you're 4 years old, just learning about music, and culture and the world, Michael Jackson was amazing. He had a chimp for a best friend---what 5 year old wouldn't want that? He got to wear sparkly outfits and costumes and dance around like a maniac. I totally remember thinking that someday I'd get to go to Neverland and ride the rides, kind of like I fantasized about going to Disney World (still never been there!)
We didn't have the Thriller album at our house (I don't even think we had a record player until 1988, even)but that music was the soundtrack of my early childhood. And then Bad came out at a stressful time in my life and was a nice distraction to be able to listen to it, and read all the tabloid stories about Bubbles and the hyperbaric chamber and all that. Dangerous came out when I was in junior high and I loved all the crazy videos for it. (Although I watched the "In the Closet" video and was mortified and horrified to realize I was very attracted to Michael Jackson there. I didn't admit this secret for 15 years.)
But then he stopped making music, and our generation grew up and we kind of didn't need him. So when he died, it kind of does feel like he was truly Peter Pan. He was there for our childhoods, and kept trying to lure us back, but we grew up and didn't need him anymore. And like Peter Pan stopped coming to Wendy's window, Michael Jackson is gone and isn't coming back. So it's sad.
Anyway, like I said, I've been watching MJ on youtube. I've found some good stuff that I want to share.
This is actually a three parter, but this is the cutest part. He just seems so relaxed and sweet here.
This one is really cute too. I don't know the real story, but I'm guessing Diana Ross was teasing him about having bad breath, and Stevie Wonder offered him a mint, and Michael Jackson said "I can't eat a mint right now because there's a camera" but then he went for it. I don't know. Whatever. He's so adorable here
Again, with Diana Ross. I love this because he is so cute and embarassed about the word "sexy". I'm the same way. I can't use that word without giggling.
Start watching this from about 3:25 Being a very naturally shy person myself, I really think shy guys really are the cutest on earth (I used to be so shy that I barely spoke. When I went to my high school reunion, several people said "I've never heard you talk before." Now I overcompensate for my shyness by talking too much)
Watch this from 2:42 to 3:13. I love his laughing here and finding the humor in the situation. In no way does he seem to be making fun of his fan, but the situation obviously cracks him up. Even with his weird looks here, he's adorable when he laughs.
You already know how I feel about this one:
Ow!
I totally love to dance and sing along in the car to the radio. Can you imagine the pressure if you were dancing and singing along with the radio with freaking Michael Jackson in the car?
So corny and fake, but funny anyway
This song is kind of addictive. I don't even want to tell you how many times I've watched this trying to copy the moves. Plus, BEST COSTUMES EVER.
This one makes me laugh every time
So there we go. That's how I've been spending my internet time lately. My husband is feeling very threatened by my renewed love for MJ, I think. I have to watch this stuff on the sly, or he gets very irrated with me (but he gets irritated by 90% of the things I do/like so nothing new there.)
I'm really mourning way too much. I couldn't figure out why I was so sad, but then John Mayer put it in to words for me. He talked on Larry King about how for his (and my) generation, we were incredibly lucky to have Thriller be the first music we were introduced to. In his twitter updates, he wrote "I think we'll mourn his loss as well as the loss of ourselves as children listening to Thriller on the record player." And that just struck me as why I'm sad.
In 1983, Michael Jackson WAS music. And when you're 4 years old, just learning about music, and culture and the world, Michael Jackson was amazing. He had a chimp for a best friend---what 5 year old wouldn't want that? He got to wear sparkly outfits and costumes and dance around like a maniac. I totally remember thinking that someday I'd get to go to Neverland and ride the rides, kind of like I fantasized about going to Disney World (still never been there!)
We didn't have the Thriller album at our house (I don't even think we had a record player until 1988, even)but that music was the soundtrack of my early childhood. And then Bad came out at a stressful time in my life and was a nice distraction to be able to listen to it, and read all the tabloid stories about Bubbles and the hyperbaric chamber and all that. Dangerous came out when I was in junior high and I loved all the crazy videos for it. (Although I watched the "In the Closet" video and was mortified and horrified to realize I was very attracted to Michael Jackson there. I didn't admit this secret for 15 years.)
But then he stopped making music, and our generation grew up and we kind of didn't need him. So when he died, it kind of does feel like he was truly Peter Pan. He was there for our childhoods, and kept trying to lure us back, but we grew up and didn't need him anymore. And like Peter Pan stopped coming to Wendy's window, Michael Jackson is gone and isn't coming back. So it's sad.
Anyway, like I said, I've been watching MJ on youtube. I've found some good stuff that I want to share.
This is actually a three parter, but this is the cutest part. He just seems so relaxed and sweet here.
This one is really cute too. I don't know the real story, but I'm guessing Diana Ross was teasing him about having bad breath, and Stevie Wonder offered him a mint, and Michael Jackson said "I can't eat a mint right now because there's a camera" but then he went for it. I don't know. Whatever. He's so adorable here
Again, with Diana Ross. I love this because he is so cute and embarassed about the word "sexy". I'm the same way. I can't use that word without giggling.
Start watching this from about 3:25 Being a very naturally shy person myself, I really think shy guys really are the cutest on earth (I used to be so shy that I barely spoke. When I went to my high school reunion, several people said "I've never heard you talk before." Now I overcompensate for my shyness by talking too much)
Watch this from 2:42 to 3:13. I love his laughing here and finding the humor in the situation. In no way does he seem to be making fun of his fan, but the situation obviously cracks him up. Even with his weird looks here, he's adorable when he laughs.
You already know how I feel about this one:
Ow!
I totally love to dance and sing along in the car to the radio. Can you imagine the pressure if you were dancing and singing along with the radio with freaking Michael Jackson in the car?
So corny and fake, but funny anyway
This song is kind of addictive. I don't even want to tell you how many times I've watched this trying to copy the moves. Plus, BEST COSTUMES EVER.
This one makes me laugh every time
So there we go. That's how I've been spending my internet time lately. My husband is feeling very threatened by my renewed love for MJ, I think. I have to watch this stuff on the sly, or he gets very irrated with me (but he gets irritated by 90% of the things I do/like so nothing new there.)
Friday, July 3, 2009
More MJ
I just wanted to add a few more random Michael Jackson thoughts to yesterday's blog. Not that the world will really benefit from my thoughts on Michael Jackson or not, but I really don't have anything else to write a blog about!
1. Michael Jackson is the first musician I really remember being aware of. I think I was about 4 when Billie Jean came out. Because we lived in a little hick town with no ability to get cable, I can't reminise about watching Thriller on MTV and trying to memorize it or anything, but I did like to play with my cousin's Michael Jackson Barbie doll.
2. Billie Jean is a really great song to play in Spinning class. When I was instructing Spinning classes, I always tried to get the members to request or suggest songs. I love music and really liked putting together fun and motivating playlists (or at least attempt to have fun and motivating playlists) I loved getting suggestions. Anyway, one lady asked that I play more Michael Jackson. I went over the MJ in my music collection and discovered that Billie Jean is the most perfect song ever for Spinning class. I used it as often as I could get away with and it always got the class going.
3. In kindergarten, I got yelled at my the playground aide for pretending to be Michael Jackson. It was snowy and cold, but a bunch of us were running around with one glove (or mitten) on so we could be Michael Jackson.
4. When I'm working out, my hair gets really sweaty. It also gets really curly, and I have a weird widow's peak that makes big strands of hair fall right in the middle of my forehead. All of this means when I work out, I look like I'm wearing a jheri curl Michael Jackson "Bad" era wig.
5. Vitiligo---Michael Jackson said he's white because he has vitiligo. I can see that. My mom has vitiligo, and it causes white patches on her skin. But not so much an issue for her since she's already white with pale skin. It's not even noticeable. But I can see how for a black person it would be very traumatic. Google images of vitiligo. It's really sad.
6. Nosejobs--I was watching the Martin Bashir documentary of Michael and he was talking about how his dad always made fun of his nose, and it made him self conscious and that's why he got a nosejob (or 17). I can totally relate to this. EVERY.PART.OF.IT. (well, except for the 17 nosejobs. I stopped at one)
7. My mom's conspiracy theory. Again, if you've read my myspace blog, or know my mom, you've already heard this theory. My mom has a foolproof theory about what made Michael Jackson go crazy: castration. Her theory is that when he was a little boy, he was such a huge moneymaker for the family that Joe Jackson didn't want to let his cash cow grow up. Back in the day, they used to castrate opera singers so their voices never changed. My mom thinks they did the same thing to Michael Jackson and that's why he had the high voice, no body hair, and was built like an 11-year old. Also, a castration would kill a sex drive, so maybe we can take his word that his sleeping with little kids was completely innocent (still, I wouldn't send my kids to Neverland for a sleepover). My husband scoffed at this theory the other day, saying that the autopsy would have shown that he had no balls, but my mom clarified her theory, saying he was "chemically" castrated---given female hormones. Who knows? But I do think there are a lot of good points to this theory. Also, Liza Minelli said something very cryptic the other day about how his friends all knew a secret about him and that once the autopsy was over, the shit would hit the wall (so to speak) Who knows? My mom's pretty smart. I believe her on this.
8. I'm going to become Joe Jackson. My son Quinn is a good dancer. I think I need ot make him the new Michael Jackson. In the Michael Jackson documentary, he talked about how his dad Joe would watch the Jackson 5 rehearse with a belt in his hand. If anyone messed up their dance moves, they'd get their ass kicked. Quinn's a really good dancer. He doesn't know any official dance moves, but he moves like Michael Jackson---like he doesn't have any bones and is made of rubber bands. It's pretty amazing. I think I need to get all Joe Jackson on him and make him learn some dances and then he can go be the new Michael Jackson and make me a gazillion dollars.
In fact, it's in the card that Quinn is destined to be the new Michael. His middle name is Michael, named after Michael Jackson.
(I'm kidding. His middle name is Michael, but he is so not named after Michael Jackson. Also, I'm not going to beat him. Please don't report me to the authorities.)
9. That's really all I have to say about MJ right now, but I feel like I should offer a solid 10 random thoughts so I've got to come up with two more. Let me think...
Oh yeah! My favorite Michael Jackson video! Definitely, definitely, definitely his duet with Paul McCartney---"Say Say Say"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gWvBXS2t4A
Mostly I just love it because I lust for Paul McCartney (what I wouldn't give to be Linda McCartney here), but it is good on the Michael Jackson front too. He's so normal looking here, but there are a few little pieces of weirdness. For one, the video is set in the 1910's, but MJ somehow got a Cosby sweater from the future. Two, LaToya Jackson plays his love interest. Three, Michael Jackson gets his first lesson in how to paint his face white from Paul McCartney.
Paul McCartney also dueted on "The Girl is Mine" with Michael Jackson around this era. That song kind of sucks (especially the spoken word portion. Cheesy fries), but still it's nice to see them being good pals. Which makes it really annoying that Michael Jackson went and bought the Beatles song catalog right out from under Paul McCartney. That was kind of a jackholey thing to do.
10. Weird Al Yankovic---I bet he's really sad about Michael Jackson. His career was built on "Eat It" and "Fat". Fat is one of the best videos in all of video history. Sometimes when I start to eat too much crap, I imagine that I expand just like Weird Al, gaining 200 lbs in 30 seconds. I love this video It's so wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqz1ojIQTBk
1. Michael Jackson is the first musician I really remember being aware of. I think I was about 4 when Billie Jean came out. Because we lived in a little hick town with no ability to get cable, I can't reminise about watching Thriller on MTV and trying to memorize it or anything, but I did like to play with my cousin's Michael Jackson Barbie doll.
2. Billie Jean is a really great song to play in Spinning class. When I was instructing Spinning classes, I always tried to get the members to request or suggest songs. I love music and really liked putting together fun and motivating playlists (or at least attempt to have fun and motivating playlists) I loved getting suggestions. Anyway, one lady asked that I play more Michael Jackson. I went over the MJ in my music collection and discovered that Billie Jean is the most perfect song ever for Spinning class. I used it as often as I could get away with and it always got the class going.
3. In kindergarten, I got yelled at my the playground aide for pretending to be Michael Jackson. It was snowy and cold, but a bunch of us were running around with one glove (or mitten) on so we could be Michael Jackson.
4. When I'm working out, my hair gets really sweaty. It also gets really curly, and I have a weird widow's peak that makes big strands of hair fall right in the middle of my forehead. All of this means when I work out, I look like I'm wearing a jheri curl Michael Jackson "Bad" era wig.
5. Vitiligo---Michael Jackson said he's white because he has vitiligo. I can see that. My mom has vitiligo, and it causes white patches on her skin. But not so much an issue for her since she's already white with pale skin. It's not even noticeable. But I can see how for a black person it would be very traumatic. Google images of vitiligo. It's really sad.
6. Nosejobs--I was watching the Martin Bashir documentary of Michael and he was talking about how his dad always made fun of his nose, and it made him self conscious and that's why he got a nosejob (or 17). I can totally relate to this. EVERY.PART.OF.IT. (well, except for the 17 nosejobs. I stopped at one)
7. My mom's conspiracy theory. Again, if you've read my myspace blog, or know my mom, you've already heard this theory. My mom has a foolproof theory about what made Michael Jackson go crazy: castration. Her theory is that when he was a little boy, he was such a huge moneymaker for the family that Joe Jackson didn't want to let his cash cow grow up. Back in the day, they used to castrate opera singers so their voices never changed. My mom thinks they did the same thing to Michael Jackson and that's why he had the high voice, no body hair, and was built like an 11-year old. Also, a castration would kill a sex drive, so maybe we can take his word that his sleeping with little kids was completely innocent (still, I wouldn't send my kids to Neverland for a sleepover). My husband scoffed at this theory the other day, saying that the autopsy would have shown that he had no balls, but my mom clarified her theory, saying he was "chemically" castrated---given female hormones. Who knows? But I do think there are a lot of good points to this theory. Also, Liza Minelli said something very cryptic the other day about how his friends all knew a secret about him and that once the autopsy was over, the shit would hit the wall (so to speak) Who knows? My mom's pretty smart. I believe her on this.
8. I'm going to become Joe Jackson. My son Quinn is a good dancer. I think I need ot make him the new Michael Jackson. In the Michael Jackson documentary, he talked about how his dad Joe would watch the Jackson 5 rehearse with a belt in his hand. If anyone messed up their dance moves, they'd get their ass kicked. Quinn's a really good dancer. He doesn't know any official dance moves, but he moves like Michael Jackson---like he doesn't have any bones and is made of rubber bands. It's pretty amazing. I think I need to get all Joe Jackson on him and make him learn some dances and then he can go be the new Michael Jackson and make me a gazillion dollars.
In fact, it's in the card that Quinn is destined to be the new Michael. His middle name is Michael, named after Michael Jackson.
(I'm kidding. His middle name is Michael, but he is so not named after Michael Jackson. Also, I'm not going to beat him. Please don't report me to the authorities.)
9. That's really all I have to say about MJ right now, but I feel like I should offer a solid 10 random thoughts so I've got to come up with two more. Let me think...
Oh yeah! My favorite Michael Jackson video! Definitely, definitely, definitely his duet with Paul McCartney---"Say Say Say"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gWvBXS2t4A
Mostly I just love it because I lust for Paul McCartney (what I wouldn't give to be Linda McCartney here), but it is good on the Michael Jackson front too. He's so normal looking here, but there are a few little pieces of weirdness. For one, the video is set in the 1910's, but MJ somehow got a Cosby sweater from the future. Two, LaToya Jackson plays his love interest. Three, Michael Jackson gets his first lesson in how to paint his face white from Paul McCartney.
Paul McCartney also dueted on "The Girl is Mine" with Michael Jackson around this era. That song kind of sucks (especially the spoken word portion. Cheesy fries), but still it's nice to see them being good pals. Which makes it really annoying that Michael Jackson went and bought the Beatles song catalog right out from under Paul McCartney. That was kind of a jackholey thing to do.
10. Weird Al Yankovic---I bet he's really sad about Michael Jackson. His career was built on "Eat It" and "Fat". Fat is one of the best videos in all of video history. Sometimes when I start to eat too much crap, I imagine that I expand just like Weird Al, gaining 200 lbs in 30 seconds. I love this video It's so wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqz1ojIQTBk
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I would be sadder if Paul McCartney died...
But I'm still pretty freaking sad about Michael Jackson dying.
I just want to share my Michael Jackson story. Those of you who followed me on my old myspace blog have heard this, but I'll share it again.
I went to Exeter, England with my husband on one of his business trips. We were signed up to meet in front of the big cathedral for a "ghost tour"---a walking tour of all the haunted hotspots in Exeter. Sounds pretty great, right? Yeah, I know.
Anyway, we were waiting for the tour to begin. We noticed that a big crowd of people was forming in front of a hotel next to the cathedral. (The hotel's claim to fame---according to the ghost tour lady---was that the Beatles stayed there once. I love me some Beatles, so I loved that hotel)
Anyway, we saw this crowd so we went over to see what was going on. We asked someone and they said Michael Jackson was going to be coming to the hotel. Michael Jackson? What? Why would Michael Jackson be in rinky dink little Exeter? It sounded kind of unbelieveable, but we joined in the group to wait around and see if the King of Pop actually showed up. The ghost tour lady was very irritated that her tour was being held up by Michael Jackson and said if he wasn't there in 15 minutes, the tour would begin anyway. (The English are very efficient and like their shed-jules)
We waited for about 14 minutes, and a big black car rounded the corner, with bodyguards jogging alongside of it. We in the crowd got very excited and lo and behold, the car stopped in front of the hotel and out came Michael Jackson.
I think I was about 10-15 feet away from him. My main impression was that he completely looked like a cartoon character. He didn't even look real. Maybe it's just that I'd seen him in so many videos and tabloids that it was just surreal, or maybe it was because his face was made of plastic. Probably a little of both.
He was very happy and smiley and waved at the crowd and went in the hotel. There was another guy that started waving at the crowd too, like he was famous, but no one around me knew who he was. He totally acted like he thought he was a celeb---we later found out that it was David Blaine. I don't know why David Blaine was hanging with MJ, but I've always kind of been annoyed at David Blaine since then. He really had a big ego to wave at Michael Jackson's crowd like we actually knew who he was, or cared who he was. (Sorry, I get really annoyed at egos)
So that's my Michael Jackson story. I wish I had photos, but I forgot my camera. That sounds like I'm making up this story, but seriously, who would make up this story? It's pretty random. Here's my proof that Michael Jackson was in Exeter.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/news_features/2002/michael_jackson.shtml
I guess I can't really prove I was in Exeter. Whatever. I saw Michael Freaking Jackson.
I just want to share my Michael Jackson story. Those of you who followed me on my old myspace blog have heard this, but I'll share it again.
I went to Exeter, England with my husband on one of his business trips. We were signed up to meet in front of the big cathedral for a "ghost tour"---a walking tour of all the haunted hotspots in Exeter. Sounds pretty great, right? Yeah, I know.
Anyway, we were waiting for the tour to begin. We noticed that a big crowd of people was forming in front of a hotel next to the cathedral. (The hotel's claim to fame---according to the ghost tour lady---was that the Beatles stayed there once. I love me some Beatles, so I loved that hotel)
Anyway, we saw this crowd so we went over to see what was going on. We asked someone and they said Michael Jackson was going to be coming to the hotel. Michael Jackson? What? Why would Michael Jackson be in rinky dink little Exeter? It sounded kind of unbelieveable, but we joined in the group to wait around and see if the King of Pop actually showed up. The ghost tour lady was very irritated that her tour was being held up by Michael Jackson and said if he wasn't there in 15 minutes, the tour would begin anyway. (The English are very efficient and like their shed-jules)
We waited for about 14 minutes, and a big black car rounded the corner, with bodyguards jogging alongside of it. We in the crowd got very excited and lo and behold, the car stopped in front of the hotel and out came Michael Jackson.
I think I was about 10-15 feet away from him. My main impression was that he completely looked like a cartoon character. He didn't even look real. Maybe it's just that I'd seen him in so many videos and tabloids that it was just surreal, or maybe it was because his face was made of plastic. Probably a little of both.
He was very happy and smiley and waved at the crowd and went in the hotel. There was another guy that started waving at the crowd too, like he was famous, but no one around me knew who he was. He totally acted like he thought he was a celeb---we later found out that it was David Blaine. I don't know why David Blaine was hanging with MJ, but I've always kind of been annoyed at David Blaine since then. He really had a big ego to wave at Michael Jackson's crowd like we actually knew who he was, or cared who he was. (Sorry, I get really annoyed at egos)
So that's my Michael Jackson story. I wish I had photos, but I forgot my camera. That sounds like I'm making up this story, but seriously, who would make up this story? It's pretty random. Here's my proof that Michael Jackson was in Exeter.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/news_features/2002/michael_jackson.shtml
I guess I can't really prove I was in Exeter. Whatever. I saw Michael Freaking Jackson.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)