She don't use butter, she don't use cheese, she don't use jelly or any of these. She uses VASELINE...

I bought Hawaiian Tropic dark tanning oil the other day.

This is a really weird purchase for me because I am not a tanning person at all. I've never been in a tanning bed once and I spent most of my life avoiding the sun because I'm a hypochondriac about moles and skin cancer.

But I saw it on the shelf at the store and remembered that I liked the smell of it. I bought some pretty much to use as perfume and a moisturizer.

It's funny what sort of memories smells bring out. I realized that the smell of Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil reminds me of being a wee little girl, hanging out with my aunt Renee.

Aunt Renee was a big time tanner. (This was the 80s, after all) Thinking about Hawaiian Tropic and Aunt Renee reminded me of one of my very first memories ever.

I must have been about 2 years old when this little memory happened. I know this because my memory starts with my mom, my dad, my aunt Renee and some other grown-ups that I don't remember sitting around playing with my little sister, who was a baby at the time (and I'm two years older than her). Anyway, as they were playing with my sister, I noticed that my aunt Renee had very shiny legs. I decided I wanted shiny legs too.

Looking back, her shiny legs were obviously the result of a good rubbing down with Hawaiian Tropic, but I didn't have that knowledge at the time. I toddled into the bathroom and found a tub of Vaseline and started rubbing it all over my legs. I totally remember sitting on the bathroom floor, digging into that Vaseline and smearing it everywhere. Then the next thing I remember is that the grownups showed up in the bathroom and started laughing at me. I remember being very frustrated that they were laughing and I couldn't explain (I don't think I could talk yet in this memory).

Isn't this a weird thing to remember, a lost memory brought back to life by the scent of coconut oil?I don't know why I'm sharing it, but I guess I am because it made me think about all the completely bizarre things that my kids do. Things I cannot understand at all, but for them, they probably have a very good reason for doing them.

Anyway, I just felt like I should write a blog and that's the best I could come up with.

Oh, but on the Hawaiian tropic front, I've totally been using it and I have the shiniest legs ever. Maybe not as shiny as they would be if I got into the Vaseline, but they definitely smell better. And you know what? I've been living on the wild side and getting a tan.

The kids have been playing in the backyard a lot so I've declared "Fuck skin cancer" and actually am trying to get a little bit of a tan this year. I remember my mom giving this advice growing up, defending her decision to use self-tanner----"Tan fat looks better than pale fat". So that's what I'm doing. Tanning my fat. With Hawaiian Tropic dark tanning oil even. Like I said, totally living on the wild side, right?