I will no longer be asking my husband to hit me with books.

For about 3 years, I've had a bump on my wrist. A trip to the doctor told me that it is called a ganglion cyst. Pretty much, it's like a fluid filled marble in my wrist joint.

And that's exactly what it feels like---having a marble in your wrist. Imagine that scenario, if you will. Pretty much most of the time, it doesn't hurt. But if I try to bend my wrist back, or put any pressure on my wrist, it hurts like a motherfudger (that actually sounds dirtier than motherfucker, if you think about it).

So the advice my doctor had was "Don't bend your wrist back, or put any pressure on your wrist." Fair enough. There have been times when I thought maybe pushups would be a good cheap sort of exercise to do, but I get to skip out on that idea due to the incredible pain that would put on my wrist. I like yoga a lot, but good lord, that is pretty much the worst thing in the world to do with a bum wrist. It's like pushups on and off for 60 minutes because every vinyasa makes me want to cut my hand off. I have to skip out on all the fun party trick stuff like hand balances.

I've been to the doctor twice to have it drained (which is as gross as it sounds). It came back both times.

And I've harassed people to hit me with a book many a time over the years.



People are really afraid to hit me with a book. People are just way too nice, and they dont' want to hurt other people, I guess. I would have no issues with hitting someone with a book if they asked me too, but I guess I'm just mean.

Mario has, upon my request, hit me a bunch of times and it only worked once. I was telling him that I was telling a girl at the gym about how I wanted someone to pop this thing on my wrist by beating me with a book, and about how Mario was too afraid to do it hard enough because he didn't want to hurt me. So she said she would do it, since she didn't really like me that much anyway (I think she was kidding. Maybe not) So I told Mario I found someone else, and he got jealous, and was like "Get a book."

So I did and BAM! he smashed it. It popped and god oh god oh god oh god did it hurt. We totally should have videotaped that moment.

But it came back, and I'm mad and going for the surgery on it. It's going to suck, but that stupid ganglion cyst has been bugging me for too long and that little bastard has to go.

My main issue with the surgery is that it is going to leave a pretty bad-ass scar on my hand. I have to come up with some more interesting story about how I got the scar than the real story. Probably it will have something to do about how I escaped my punishment for thievery in the Middle East.