I went to a costume party the other day. I had NO idea that Michael Jackson was going through all those plastic surgeries and skin bleachings so he could look like me. I'm honored.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Seperated at birth.
I went to a costume party the other day. I had NO idea that Michael Jackson was going through all those plastic surgeries and skin bleachings so he could look like me. I'm honored.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I'll just do a train of thought and see where it goes...
I feel like writing a blog but really don't have anything to say, so I'll just start rambling.
Dax wants to be a garbageman for Halloween. How weird is that? That's fine, if that's what he wants to do. I don't care. But how do you find a garbageman costume, exactly? It's not like they sell them at KMart. The problem is that garbagemen pretty much just wear regular clothes, so besides having him carry around a garbagecan, when he goes trick-or-treating, people will think he is one of those kids who is too lazy to wear a costume. The only option I've found is this:
http://www.amazon.com/Zoogster-Costumes-Toddler-UPS-Costume/dp/B000VXIRBA
It's a UPS costume, but I'm thinking I can replace the patches with "Sanitation Department" patches (that I'll have to make, because, again...can't buy those at Kmart) What kind of weirdo kid would want to be a UPS man for Halloween, I wonder? Oh yeah, probably the same kind of weirdo kid who wants to be a garbageman...
I really do enjoy the fact that my kids don't feel the need to conform and all that, but it does make things complicated sometimes. But hey, I really shouldn't complain. At least I don't have to worry about my kid wanting to wear this costume:
http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Sweet-Witch-Costume-Child/dp/B000H8MBT8/ref=sr_1_43?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1251311403&sr=1-43
I have nothing against black satin, lace and corsets, but I do kind of have issues with a toddler sized 4-6 wearing black satin, lace and corsets. Can we say JonBenet?
Speaking of Halloween, I had a creepy moment about a month ago. See, the thing is, sometimes I have moments where I really question my sanity. Not in a "Oh, I'm so silly and crazy" kind of way. But like in a "Has my brain broken" serious sort of way. I was at Walgreens and there was all of this Halloween candy and stuff out, along with a sign saying "Save on seasonal sales!" And I thought my brain broke because I actually, seriously considered the fact that I went to be thinking it was July and woke up in October. I looked at a magazine date, and felt better when it said it was July (I'm not kidding. I really did. I'm that insecure as to my sanity sometimes) Stores need to stop putting the holiday stuff out months before you need it. Not only does it make you sick of the holiday way before it gets here, but it also makes people think they might have accidentally time traveled to the future.
See, this is why I need to blog with a set topic in mind. I said I'd do a train of thought and see where it goes, and I end up telling a story about me thinking I'm a time traveler. Good lord. Do other people's brain work like this too?
Dax wants to be a garbageman for Halloween. How weird is that? That's fine, if that's what he wants to do. I don't care. But how do you find a garbageman costume, exactly? It's not like they sell them at KMart. The problem is that garbagemen pretty much just wear regular clothes, so besides having him carry around a garbagecan, when he goes trick-or-treating, people will think he is one of those kids who is too lazy to wear a costume. The only option I've found is this:
http://www.amazon.com/Zoogster-Costumes-Toddler-UPS-Costume/dp/B000VXIRBA
It's a UPS costume, but I'm thinking I can replace the patches with "Sanitation Department" patches (that I'll have to make, because, again...can't buy those at Kmart) What kind of weirdo kid would want to be a UPS man for Halloween, I wonder? Oh yeah, probably the same kind of weirdo kid who wants to be a garbageman...
I really do enjoy the fact that my kids don't feel the need to conform and all that, but it does make things complicated sometimes. But hey, I really shouldn't complain. At least I don't have to worry about my kid wanting to wear this costume:
http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Sweet-Witch-Costume-Child/dp/B000H8MBT8/ref=sr_1_43?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1251311403&sr=1-43
I have nothing against black satin, lace and corsets, but I do kind of have issues with a toddler sized 4-6 wearing black satin, lace and corsets. Can we say JonBenet?
Speaking of Halloween, I had a creepy moment about a month ago. See, the thing is, sometimes I have moments where I really question my sanity. Not in a "Oh, I'm so silly and crazy" kind of way. But like in a "Has my brain broken" serious sort of way. I was at Walgreens and there was all of this Halloween candy and stuff out, along with a sign saying "Save on seasonal sales!" And I thought my brain broke because I actually, seriously considered the fact that I went to be thinking it was July and woke up in October. I looked at a magazine date, and felt better when it said it was July (I'm not kidding. I really did. I'm that insecure as to my sanity sometimes) Stores need to stop putting the holiday stuff out months before you need it. Not only does it make you sick of the holiday way before it gets here, but it also makes people think they might have accidentally time traveled to the future.
See, this is why I need to blog with a set topic in mind. I said I'd do a train of thought and see where it goes, and I end up telling a story about me thinking I'm a time traveler. Good lord. Do other people's brain work like this too?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
More of that
1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I have a tiny bald spot in my hairline from falling down some cement stairs as a toddler
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
I have lots of rooms. I'm fancy and grownup like that.
3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Yeah, I think snoring, but I don't know because I'm asleep and my husband doesn't tell me. (Nor do all the other random guys I sleep with. (that's a joke ( a stupid joke (I'll stop now)))
4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
MIchael Jackson has been the theme this summer
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
12:13 AM
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
I am wanting for nothing. I'm a lucky girl.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I'm not much for nostalgia and such.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
Does a husband count as a possession? And kids? I kind of own them. If they are my possessions, then they are prized possessions most of the time.
9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
67 inches.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
I probably would in a cave where I have to crawl on my belly or something. The thought of that makes me kind of sick.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Yes, I really do.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Michael Jackson.
13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
I don't know. I try to avoid dwelling on fears these days, since I'm a recovering hypochondriac.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Brown/brown (I have to say that, or I'd have some 'splaining to do.)
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
Nowhere. I'm not going to do that, silly.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee, fo sho.
17. Favorite pizza topping?
Mushy, mushy, mushrooms. But no one else in my family likes them, the rat bastards.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'm good, thanks. I'm not hungry. I had cake for dinner.
19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Red
20 HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
Just the cracker ones---Kelly's answer but I agree
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
No clue.
22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Yes, on a dead Michael Jackson. Well, I'm not into him being dead. Alive Michael Jackson's pretty cute.
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I get everything at Goodwill, but I tend to like Gap clothes (from Goodwill)
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
13
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes. I don't really understand the question though.
32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
?
33. FAVORITE PLACE?
My bed
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yes
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Upper body strength
36. MEET ANYONE FAMOUS?
I didn't really meet them, but I saw Joan Rivers in an airport, David Letterman going into his office, and Michael Jackson going into his hotel.
37. FIRST JOB?
library book putter awayer
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
back in the pre-caller-id days, when I was in junior high.
39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE?
Um, no. People change too much, and it would be pretty miraculous to find someone who happens to change in the exact same way.
40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Sitting around, killing fruit flies. I know how to party on a Saturday night.
41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
I had a nose-job. Good times.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
It used to be having a big chest, but then I lost weight and now I'm flat. So I guess now I get complimented on not being as fat as I used to be.
43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That's a long way away.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT/HAVE AND THEIR NAMES?
How many do I want, or how many do I have?
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes
47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Ambiguous genitalia.
48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
I lived next to the high school and got to wake up to marching band music.
49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
I'm using a baby shampoo/conditioner in one because it smells like coconut.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
That other survey seems to have been stolen from this one.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
see what I mean?
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
I just can't stop murdering prostitutes. And also I lie sometimes.
53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
No, not at all. I know what's what.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
That other survey was such a ripoff of this. I'm mad it took me 50 questions to realize. Well, I've come this far, there's no turning back now...
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes. I've seen some nasty looking people in my day. Like really nasty. Like you have to avert your eyes nasty.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Mostly yelling.
58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
Probably gain. I used to be that fat anyway. It was fine.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Barbies
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
zero
62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Barney Rubble, yes.
64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mashed potatoes all the way.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Vitiligo, a really high voice and fantastic dancing abilities. (False!) accusations of pedophilia are optional.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Em, Mommy
67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
That cloack of invisibility would really come in handy.
68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
I don't care. I waste time on the internet instead of tv
69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Pretend they don't exist. Repression is my thing.
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Eh.
71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
As of today, yes.
72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
den
73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
I was told that I should go to bed.
74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
here's okay, as long as I take care of my knees. This house has a lot of stairs.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Nobody's going to.
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Diana Ross
77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?.
My mom
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I don't do that.
80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Lots of nerdy stuff.
81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
laundry
82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Spring
83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Reese's peanut butter cups
84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
yes.
85. FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
The one I have.
86. YOUR EYE COLOR?
I know I said I couldn't turn back, but I'm considering it.
87. YOUR SHOE SIZE?
No, I'm not a quitter...10
88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
But why are you reading this boring shit at this point? Good lord. McDonald's
89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
I guess it is pretty late at night. You probably don't have anything else to do. El Rodeo.
90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
I'm not judging you. Yes, I love it.
91. WATCH TV TODAY?
I really should obey my spouse and go to bed. Yes, Michael Jackson videos
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Christmas, I guess.
93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
No.
94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Democrat
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
they're both okay, or disgusting depending on the kisser and/or hugger.
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR FRIENDSHIPS?
This is a dumb question
97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
I got a bunch of random stuff at Walmart---cake, bubblewrap, a garbage can, ant traps, Bonne Bell Lip Smackers lip gloss...
98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
Survey, I detect a condescending note to that question...jerk
99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
nothing.
I have a tiny bald spot in my hairline from falling down some cement stairs as a toddler
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
I have lots of rooms. I'm fancy and grownup like that.
3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Yeah, I think snoring, but I don't know because I'm asleep and my husband doesn't tell me. (Nor do all the other random guys I sleep with. (that's a joke ( a stupid joke (I'll stop now)))
4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
MIchael Jackson has been the theme this summer
5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
12:13 AM
6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
I am wanting for nothing. I'm a lucky girl.
7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I'm not much for nostalgia and such.
8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
Does a husband count as a possession? And kids? I kind of own them. If they are my possessions, then they are prized possessions most of the time.
9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
67 inches.
10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
I probably would in a cave where I have to crawl on my belly or something. The thought of that makes me kind of sick.
11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Yes, I really do.
12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Michael Jackson.
13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
I don't know. I try to avoid dwelling on fears these days, since I'm a recovering hypochondriac.
14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Brown/brown (I have to say that, or I'd have some 'splaining to do.)
15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
Nowhere. I'm not going to do that, silly.
16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee, fo sho.
17. Favorite pizza topping?
Mushy, mushy, mushrooms. But no one else in my family likes them, the rat bastards.
18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'm good, thanks. I'm not hungry. I had cake for dinner.
19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Red
20 HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
Just the cracker ones---Kelly's answer but I agree
21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
No clue.
22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
Yes, on a dead Michael Jackson. Well, I'm not into him being dead. Alive Michael Jackson's pretty cute.
23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
No
24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I get everything at Goodwill, but I tend to like Gap clothes (from Goodwill)
30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
13
31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes. I don't really understand the question though.
32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
?
33. FAVORITE PLACE?
My bed
34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yes
35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Upper body strength
36. MEET ANYONE FAMOUS?
I didn't really meet them, but I saw Joan Rivers in an airport, David Letterman going into his office, and Michael Jackson going into his hotel.
37. FIRST JOB?
library book putter awayer
38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
back in the pre-caller-id days, when I was in junior high.
39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE?
Um, no. People change too much, and it would be pretty miraculous to find someone who happens to change in the exact same way.
40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Sitting around, killing fruit flies. I know how to party on a Saturday night.
41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
I had a nose-job. Good times.
42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
It used to be having a big chest, but then I lost weight and now I'm flat. So I guess now I get complimented on not being as fat as I used to be.
43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?
No
44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That's a long way away.
45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT/HAVE AND THEIR NAMES?
How many do I want, or how many do I have?
46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes
47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Ambiguous genitalia.
48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE(D) ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
I lived next to the high school and got to wake up to marching band music.
49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
I'm using a baby shampoo/conditioner in one because it smells like coconut.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
That other survey seems to have been stolen from this one.
51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
see what I mean?
52. ANY BAD HABITS?
I just can't stop murdering prostitutes. And also I lie sometimes.
53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
No, not at all. I know what's what.
54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
That other survey was such a ripoff of this. I'm mad it took me 50 questions to realize. Well, I've come this far, there's no turning back now...
56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Yes. I've seen some nasty looking people in my day. Like really nasty. Like you have to avert your eyes nasty.
57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Mostly yelling.
58.WOULD YOU RATHER GAIN 58 POUNDS OR LOSE 58 POUNDS.
Probably gain. I used to be that fat anyway. It was fine.
60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Barbies
61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
zero
62.WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
Barney Rubble, yes.
64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?
Mashed potatoes all the way.
65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Vitiligo, a really high voice and fantastic dancing abilities. (False!) accusations of pedophilia are optional.
66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Em, Mommy
67. FAVORITE SUPER POWER?
That cloack of invisibility would really come in handy.
68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
I don't care. I waste time on the internet instead of tv
69.WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?
Pretend they don't exist. Repression is my thing.
70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Eh.
71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?
As of today, yes.
72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
den
73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
I was told that I should go to bed.
74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?
here's okay, as long as I take care of my knees. This house has a lot of stairs.
75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Nobody's going to.
76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
Diana Ross
77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
Water
78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?.
My mom
79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I don't do that.
80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Lots of nerdy stuff.
81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
laundry
82. FAVORITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?
Spring
83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF CANDY?
Reese's peanut butter cups
84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?
yes.
85. FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
The one I have.
86. YOUR EYE COLOR?
I know I said I couldn't turn back, but I'm considering it.
87. YOUR SHOE SIZE?
No, I'm not a quitter...10
88. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
But why are you reading this boring shit at this point? Good lord. McDonald's
89. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
I guess it is pretty late at night. You probably don't have anything else to do. El Rodeo.
90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?
I'm not judging you. Yes, I love it.
91. WATCH TV TODAY?
I really should obey my spouse and go to bed. Yes, Michael Jackson videos
92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Christmas, I guess.
93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS?
No.
94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Democrat
95. KISSES OR HUGS?
they're both okay, or disgusting depending on the kisser and/or hugger.
96. RELATIONSHIPS OR FRIENDSHIPS?
This is a dumb question
97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
I got a bunch of random stuff at Walmart---cake, bubblewrap, a garbage can, ant traps, Bonne Bell Lip Smackers lip gloss...
98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?
Survey, I detect a condescending note to that question...jerk
99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
nothing.
It's totally cheating to pass off Facebook surveys as blogs, but I don't care.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
I was named after this song:
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
It's been a while. Probably the Michael Jackson memorial.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It's okay. It's distinctive.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Boy, do I.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes, but there would be huge issues in that I/she would want to sleep with her/my husband. Friends don't do friends' husbands.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM
Very rarely. I'm very literal minded.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I've never checked.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I would love to.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I'm not into cereal. It's about the only junk food I'm not into.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No. I'm incredibly lazy, and fairly sloppy.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I don't know. I guess I'm not that into ice cream either.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I assess whether or not they might be a murderer. I'm really scared of killers.
15. RED OR PINK?
Red
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I should try to get better at pretending to like people.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Probably my grandma
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I'm not suggesting that anyone completes it.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
No shoes, and minimal (black) shorts
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
I was listening to Hot Chocolate singing the Emilene song, but now I'm just listening to kids putting the cat in time-out.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Burnt Sienna. Because I like that that name sounds like a porn name of an actress with pyrophilia (I really don't even know if pyrophilia is a fetish, or even if pyrophilia is a real word)
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Baby necks
Skunks
Kitten breath
Man-sweat
Gasoline
Purel
Tom Ford "Black Orchid"
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE
My mother
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
No one sent it to me. I stole it from someone.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
I don't do that.
27. HAIR COLOR?
I really like Dubert brown.
28. EYE COLOR?
Dubert brown
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. I either wear my glasses or go around kind of nearsighted.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
One time I ate Lavender Creme Brulee and it was the best thing ever. It tasted like flowers, but in a good way.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Like Tuan, I immediately though "massage parlor" when I read this.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I don't know. It's been a while.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A YMCA t-shirt that is, interestingly, Burnt Sienna colored.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter. Summer is too much pressure to feel like I should go out and do stuff. I like to be in the house.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
eh.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Nobody.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Everybody
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I'm not reading anything right now.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Those kids of mine.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
I didn't watch TV. I watched Michael Jackson on youtube.
42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
the sound of silence, because it is a sound I never, ever hear anymore.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Good lord, there is no comparison. The Beatles obviously. The Rolling Stones aren't in their league even. Don't get me started.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Germany
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Loud whistling through my fingers and speed reading.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Maquoketa IA
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Anyone who takes the initiative to do it.
48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Work Christmas party.
I was named after this song:
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
It's been a while. Probably the Michael Jackson memorial.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It's okay. It's distinctive.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Turkey
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Boy, do I.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes, but there would be huge issues in that I/she would want to sleep with her/my husband. Friends don't do friends' husbands.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM
Very rarely. I'm very literal minded.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I've never checked.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I would love to.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I'm not into cereal. It's about the only junk food I'm not into.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No. I'm incredibly lazy, and fairly sloppy.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
I don't know. I guess I'm not that into ice cream either.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
I assess whether or not they might be a murderer. I'm really scared of killers.
15. RED OR PINK?
Red
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I should try to get better at pretending to like people.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Probably my grandma
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I'm not suggesting that anyone completes it.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
No shoes, and minimal (black) shorts
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
I was listening to Hot Chocolate singing the Emilene song, but now I'm just listening to kids putting the cat in time-out.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Burnt Sienna. Because I like that that name sounds like a porn name of an actress with pyrophilia (I really don't even know if pyrophilia is a fetish, or even if pyrophilia is a real word)
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Baby necks
Skunks
Kitten breath
Man-sweat
Gasoline
Purel
Tom Ford "Black Orchid"
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE
My mother
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
No one sent it to me. I stole it from someone.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
I don't do that.
27. HAIR COLOR?
I really like Dubert brown.
28. EYE COLOR?
Dubert brown
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. I either wear my glasses or go around kind of nearsighted.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
One time I ate Lavender Creme Brulee and it was the best thing ever. It tasted like flowers, but in a good way.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Like Tuan, I immediately though "massage parlor" when I read this.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I don't know. It's been a while.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A YMCA t-shirt that is, interestingly, Burnt Sienna colored.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter. Summer is too much pressure to feel like I should go out and do stuff. I like to be in the house.
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
eh.
37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Nobody.
38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Everybody
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I'm not reading anything right now.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Those kids of mine.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
I didn't watch TV. I watched Michael Jackson on youtube.
42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).
the sound of silence, because it is a sound I never, ever hear anymore.
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Good lord, there is no comparison. The Beatles obviously. The Rolling Stones aren't in their league even. Don't get me started.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Germany
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Loud whistling through my fingers and speed reading.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Maquoketa IA
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Anyone who takes the initiative to do it.
48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Work Christmas party.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Michael Jackson Dance Party
These are old news to you if you're my friend on Facebook.
We just recently figured out how to link our camcorder to the computer. I've taken a bit of footage of my kids, and our daily ritual---Michael Jackson Dance Party Hour. It's a good time. You should come some time.
We just recently figured out how to link our camcorder to the computer. I've taken a bit of footage of my kids, and our daily ritual---Michael Jackson Dance Party Hour. It's a good time. You should come some time.
Friday, August 7, 2009
How to brainwash your child into awesomeness.
TV is a good babysitter.
That's not PC to say, I realize. But it's true. Every mom knows it. And I feel no guilt about letting the TV babysit my kids on a daily basis. In the morning when I'm drinking my coffee and trying to become a person, they watch cartoons. In the afternoons, in the deathly hours after lunch and after we've played outside and gone anywhere we possbily could go, but before my husband gets home and we eat dinner, they watch TV. There's nothing else to do. I'm with the kids 24/7. If it were not for the TV amusing my kids a few hours a day, I'd totally lose it.
Anyway, there are 8 million gazillion DVDs for kids out there. Most of them suck socks. Seriously. I would rather scratch my ears out than overhear the Wiggles. Barney is a real creep. Calliou is a huge whiner and whenever my kids watch him, they start talking in the same creepy whine.
So I'm actually pretty picky about what I put on TV for the kids. I don't let them watch annoying shit, which means they watch a lot of awesome stuff that I like instead. I think this has really added to making them interesting little people. They aren't going around bugging grownups by quoting Dora the Explorere, you know? They're well rounded. And they really like the stuff I show them as more than the weirdo kid stuff at this point. They're cool kids.
So I'd like to share my recommendations of what to movies will entertain your kids, keep them out of your hair for an hour or two, and not be completely irritating to overhear.
1.) Muppet Show ---last year, my kids were into the 1970s Muppet Show. And for good reason. It's freaking great. My kids are very into music, much more than I was as a kid. I remember when I was a kid, and the special musical guest did their number, it was boring as hell. But that's my kids favorite parts. They know all sorts of crazy old songs that no one else their age knows because of the Muppet Show. Crocodile Rock, Day-O, Spinning Wheel... Plus, Miss Piggy is pretty much the best fictional character ever invented. I want to be Miss Piggy when I grow up.
2. "Best of Bowie"---This was the first of any sort of television that my oldest son watched. He hated regular TV but seriously loved this DVD compilation of David Bowie videos and live performances. The kid knows "Rebel Rebel" by heart. How cool is that.
3. Michael Jackson Dangerous: Live in Bucharest----This is the HBO concert that was filmed in the early 1990's. Good lord, MJ put on an amazing show. The kids love this, and usually if I put it on for them, I can't stay away. They dance along, and I break out the hula hoop (I've lost an inch in my waist solely due to hula hooping to Michael Jackson
4. Sesame Street Old School---this is a dvd compilation of old school 1970s Sesame Street. Completely different show than current Sesame Street. It even has a parental warning at the beginning, stating that some material might not be suitable for today's child. Whatever. Did you know Oscar was orange in the first season? That is fucked up. The best part though, is that Elmo is nowhere to be seen. When Elmo came on the scene, Sesame Street totally jumped the shark.
5. Elmo's Potty Time---Considering my last statement about the red furry one, it's strange that I am recommending one of his movies. It is the ONLY kid movie we watch in our house. I bought it to help my twins with their pottytraining. Dax literally took YEARS to pottytrain, so I was very much dreading starting the process with the twins. We started watching the Elmo potty movie, and those little guys pretty much pottytrained themselves. Quinn was pottytrained immediately as soon as we started the process, and Heath took like a month. Amazing. I thank Elmo for that. Any bad feelings I have towards Elmo kind of disappear when I remember that he saved me from changing any more diapers and dealing with all that shit (literally and figuratively speaking). I have three potty trained children. I never thought that day would come. And actually, the potty movie is pretty funny. It's always funny to talk about poop and pee. There's jokes in that movie for the grownups too.
6. Wizard of Oz---my kids went through a phase of watching this pretty much every day. They know it by heart, and quote it all the time. And I love it that none of my kids are pussies---they aren't scared of the witch or flying monkeys at all. A lot of wimpier kids would be. My kids aren't wimps.
7. Michael Jackson "The Number Ones"----more MJ. This is a compilation of his most popular videos. Billie Jean, Thriller, Smooth Criminal, Black or White...all the classics. Good for getting out the hula hoop.
Well, that's about all I can think of. If you're invited to a toddler's birthday party and don't know what to get them for a present, forget the blocks or trucks. Bring "Best of Bowie."
5.
That's not PC to say, I realize. But it's true. Every mom knows it. And I feel no guilt about letting the TV babysit my kids on a daily basis. In the morning when I'm drinking my coffee and trying to become a person, they watch cartoons. In the afternoons, in the deathly hours after lunch and after we've played outside and gone anywhere we possbily could go, but before my husband gets home and we eat dinner, they watch TV. There's nothing else to do. I'm with the kids 24/7. If it were not for the TV amusing my kids a few hours a day, I'd totally lose it.
Anyway, there are 8 million gazillion DVDs for kids out there. Most of them suck socks. Seriously. I would rather scratch my ears out than overhear the Wiggles. Barney is a real creep. Calliou is a huge whiner and whenever my kids watch him, they start talking in the same creepy whine.
So I'm actually pretty picky about what I put on TV for the kids. I don't let them watch annoying shit, which means they watch a lot of awesome stuff that I like instead. I think this has really added to making them interesting little people. They aren't going around bugging grownups by quoting Dora the Explorere, you know? They're well rounded. And they really like the stuff I show them as more than the weirdo kid stuff at this point. They're cool kids.
So I'd like to share my recommendations of what to movies will entertain your kids, keep them out of your hair for an hour or two, and not be completely irritating to overhear.
1.) Muppet Show ---last year, my kids were into the 1970s Muppet Show. And for good reason. It's freaking great. My kids are very into music, much more than I was as a kid. I remember when I was a kid, and the special musical guest did their number, it was boring as hell. But that's my kids favorite parts. They know all sorts of crazy old songs that no one else their age knows because of the Muppet Show. Crocodile Rock, Day-O, Spinning Wheel... Plus, Miss Piggy is pretty much the best fictional character ever invented. I want to be Miss Piggy when I grow up.
2. "Best of Bowie"---This was the first of any sort of television that my oldest son watched. He hated regular TV but seriously loved this DVD compilation of David Bowie videos and live performances. The kid knows "Rebel Rebel" by heart. How cool is that.
3. Michael Jackson Dangerous: Live in Bucharest----This is the HBO concert that was filmed in the early 1990's. Good lord, MJ put on an amazing show. The kids love this, and usually if I put it on for them, I can't stay away. They dance along, and I break out the hula hoop (I've lost an inch in my waist solely due to hula hooping to Michael Jackson
4. Sesame Street Old School---this is a dvd compilation of old school 1970s Sesame Street. Completely different show than current Sesame Street. It even has a parental warning at the beginning, stating that some material might not be suitable for today's child. Whatever. Did you know Oscar was orange in the first season? That is fucked up. The best part though, is that Elmo is nowhere to be seen. When Elmo came on the scene, Sesame Street totally jumped the shark.
5. Elmo's Potty Time---Considering my last statement about the red furry one, it's strange that I am recommending one of his movies. It is the ONLY kid movie we watch in our house. I bought it to help my twins with their pottytraining. Dax literally took YEARS to pottytrain, so I was very much dreading starting the process with the twins. We started watching the Elmo potty movie, and those little guys pretty much pottytrained themselves. Quinn was pottytrained immediately as soon as we started the process, and Heath took like a month. Amazing. I thank Elmo for that. Any bad feelings I have towards Elmo kind of disappear when I remember that he saved me from changing any more diapers and dealing with all that shit (literally and figuratively speaking). I have three potty trained children. I never thought that day would come. And actually, the potty movie is pretty funny. It's always funny to talk about poop and pee. There's jokes in that movie for the grownups too.
6. Wizard of Oz---my kids went through a phase of watching this pretty much every day. They know it by heart, and quote it all the time. And I love it that none of my kids are pussies---they aren't scared of the witch or flying monkeys at all. A lot of wimpier kids would be. My kids aren't wimps.
7. Michael Jackson "The Number Ones"----more MJ. This is a compilation of his most popular videos. Billie Jean, Thriller, Smooth Criminal, Black or White...all the classics. Good for getting out the hula hoop.
Well, that's about all I can think of. If you're invited to a toddler's birthday party and don't know what to get them for a present, forget the blocks or trucks. Bring "Best of Bowie."
5.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Another survey, because I want to practice importing blogs into Facebook
SIX CIRCLES
CIRCLE ONE: THE OUTSIDE
1. What's your name: Emilene
2. How tall are you: 5'7"---which is, in my opinion, the best height to be. Tall for a girl, but not freaky tall where you have to hear comments like "Wow, you're so tall!" all the time.
3. What color are your eyes: dark brown
4. What color is your hair: same. I like to color coordinate my features
5. Are you Male or Female: Oh god.
6. What is your best feature (physically): My overactive ovaries.
7. What's your shoe size: 10
8. Glasses, yes or no: I wear them most of the time because I'm used to them, but I see fine without them. As I get older, my eyesight gets better. Weird, eh?
9. Did you ever have braces: No
10. On a typical day you are wearing: Sweaty workout clothes
11. When you go to bed you're wearing: It depends on the day.
12. work out/exercise about how often: Everyday, 1.5-2.5 hours a day. Unless I start to feel worn out, then I take a rest day.
CIRCLE TWO: MUSIC
1. Name five of your favorite bands: Beatles, Kinks, No Doubt, Wings, REM
2. Name five of your favorite singers: John Lennon, Paul McCartney, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, George Harrison
3. Name three songs you are currently playing nonstop: "Hold My Hand" (unreleased Akon feat. Michael Jackson), "Butterflies" (Michael Jackson), "Warmth of the Sun" (Beach Boys)
4. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life right now: I don't particularly feel like answering that.
5. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life one year ago: "All Things Must Pass" George Harrison. I'm not giving the lyrics. That's too much work.
6. When you're driving, what are the preset stations on your radio: Any station that isn't country
7. What's the last CD you bought: Michael Jackson "Invincible
8. Was the last CD you burned an actual CD or a mix: a mix for Spinning class
9. Name one song/band/singer you're embarrassed to like but do: Britney Spears. Nothing gets me pumped up for good hard cardio than hearing "It's Britney, Bitch." (And because of this question, I put that song on. My son is now making the kitten dance to "Gimme More". Awesomeness. I so need to tape this.)
10. If you could only attend one concert ever again, it would be: Living artist? Probably P-Mac (Or Paul McCartney, if you aren't on a nicknaming basis with him like I am.)
11. Name one band/singer you absoulutely can't stand: Nickelback. I seriously cannot understand why anyone would listen to that on purpose
12. Name a group you use to like but feel you've grown out of: The Doors. I was big-time into the Doors in high school, but I've realized their music is really, really bad. You can get away with people thinking you're good if you have a cute enough frontman.
CIRCLE THREE: MOVIES/TELEVISION
1. Name your favorite actor: Clark Gable.
2. Name your favorite actress: Joan Crawford
3. Name your favorite television show right now: I have no appointment TV shows right now.
4. Name five really cool movies you've recently seen: I don't know. I watch a lot of old movies on TCM but can't remember the titles
5. Your favorite canceled television show: "The Office", BBD version
7. Name one movie you wish you hadn't wasted time/money on recently: "The Wiz" is really so, so boring and horrible. The witch's name in it is Evilene. And the movie came out right about when I was born. Did my mom name me after a character in "The Wiz"? Kind of makes you wonder (just kidding. I'm named after a song by the funk group Hot Chocolate.)
8. You would never watch a movie with: I'll watch a movie with anyone who wants to go with me.
9. Favorite candy/food to watch movies with: I don't eat while I watch movies.
10. Three favorite tv channels: TCM...and...yeah, that's pretty much it.
11. Favorite reality show: "Millionaire Matchmaker"
12. Favorite character on a reality show: ?
CIRCLE FOUR: WORD ASSOCIATION
(Write the first word/thing/person that comes into your head when you read this word:)
1. coffee: Yum
2. dog: Poop
3. slut: (okay, I'll do the 2nd word, because the first just isn't right)---skank
4. candy: necklace
5. pole: stripper
6. ocean: wave
7. brave: heart
8. loving: "All My..."
9. cookie: Monster
10. death: Mobile
11. life: Time television for women
12. child: bearing hips
CIRCLE FIVE: WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER:
(bold the one you prefer)
1. Ten guilty men go free OR One innocent man goes to jail for life---It kind of depends on what the guilty guys did.
2. Eaten by a lion OR Eaten by thousands of small insects---lion definitely. Lions are cute. Bugs are ugly. I think even if I was having my face ripped off at the moment, I might appreciate a big furry kitty to look at.
3. A life of contentment without love OR A life with love and heartache: Love is contentment.
4. Skydiving from a plane OR Bungee jumping off a bridge: whatever's cheaper
6. No television OR No music: no television, definitely. Music makes life so much better.
7. No more pizza, ever OR No more chocolate, ever: I could go either way on this one.
8. A trip to Europe OR a trip to Hawaii--Europe. I don't go on vacations to sit around on my ass looking at the ocean.
9. An hour with your future soul mate OR An hour with a lost loved one: I'm hoping that I don't have a future soul mate. Definitely the hour with a lost loved one. My grandma before Alzheimer's got the best of her.
10. No longer being able to cry OR No longer being able to feel the need to cry: I'm too autisticy to understand this question.
11. Sex without love OR love without sex: Now that's just embarassing.
12. Loving someone who doesn't love you OR being loved by someone you don't love: Are we talking stalkers here?
CIRCLE SIX: THE LOVE LIFE
1. Are you currently in a relationship: yes
2. Are you currently looking/interested in someone: I should hope so.
3. Are you a virgin?: Good lord.
4. If yes, how long do you plan to be one: Do people really plan that out?
5. How many times have you been "in love": Once
6. Looking back, how do you feel about that person(s) now: The same
7. Name three things (physically) you look for in someone: I'm not looking for anybody
8. Name three things (mentally/emotionally) you look for in someone: See above
9. Biggest turn offs include: saying "Yes?" when I say "Jesus Christ!"
10. Your ideal date would be: I don't date.
11. You want to get married, where, when, how: Yes, Hauberg Civic Center, August 11, 2001
12. Does anyone have feelings for you right now that you don't return: Yes, creepy homeless guys
There were originally 7 "circles" but the last one was really dumb so I skipped it
CIRCLE ONE: THE OUTSIDE
1. What's your name: Emilene
2. How tall are you: 5'7"---which is, in my opinion, the best height to be. Tall for a girl, but not freaky tall where you have to hear comments like "Wow, you're so tall!" all the time.
3. What color are your eyes: dark brown
4. What color is your hair: same. I like to color coordinate my features
5. Are you Male or Female: Oh god.
6. What is your best feature (physically): My overactive ovaries.
7. What's your shoe size: 10
8. Glasses, yes or no: I wear them most of the time because I'm used to them, but I see fine without them. As I get older, my eyesight gets better. Weird, eh?
9. Did you ever have braces: No
10. On a typical day you are wearing: Sweaty workout clothes
11. When you go to bed you're wearing: It depends on the day.
12. work out/exercise about how often: Everyday, 1.5-2.5 hours a day. Unless I start to feel worn out, then I take a rest day.
CIRCLE TWO: MUSIC
1. Name five of your favorite bands: Beatles, Kinks, No Doubt, Wings, REM
2. Name five of your favorite singers: John Lennon, Paul McCartney, David Bowie, Michael Jackson, George Harrison
3. Name three songs you are currently playing nonstop: "Hold My Hand" (unreleased Akon feat. Michael Jackson), "Butterflies" (Michael Jackson), "Warmth of the Sun" (Beach Boys)
4. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life right now: I don't particularly feel like answering that.
5. Name one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life one year ago: "All Things Must Pass" George Harrison. I'm not giving the lyrics. That's too much work.
6. When you're driving, what are the preset stations on your radio: Any station that isn't country
7. What's the last CD you bought: Michael Jackson "Invincible
8. Was the last CD you burned an actual CD or a mix: a mix for Spinning class
9. Name one song/band/singer you're embarrassed to like but do: Britney Spears. Nothing gets me pumped up for good hard cardio than hearing "It's Britney, Bitch." (And because of this question, I put that song on. My son is now making the kitten dance to "Gimme More". Awesomeness. I so need to tape this.)
10. If you could only attend one concert ever again, it would be: Living artist? Probably P-Mac (Or Paul McCartney, if you aren't on a nicknaming basis with him like I am.)
11. Name one band/singer you absoulutely can't stand: Nickelback. I seriously cannot understand why anyone would listen to that on purpose
12. Name a group you use to like but feel you've grown out of: The Doors. I was big-time into the Doors in high school, but I've realized their music is really, really bad. You can get away with people thinking you're good if you have a cute enough frontman.
CIRCLE THREE: MOVIES/TELEVISION
1. Name your favorite actor: Clark Gable.
2. Name your favorite actress: Joan Crawford
3. Name your favorite television show right now: I have no appointment TV shows right now.
4. Name five really cool movies you've recently seen: I don't know. I watch a lot of old movies on TCM but can't remember the titles
5. Your favorite canceled television show: "The Office", BBD version
7. Name one movie you wish you hadn't wasted time/money on recently: "The Wiz" is really so, so boring and horrible. The witch's name in it is Evilene. And the movie came out right about when I was born. Did my mom name me after a character in "The Wiz"? Kind of makes you wonder (just kidding. I'm named after a song by the funk group Hot Chocolate.)
8. You would never watch a movie with: I'll watch a movie with anyone who wants to go with me.
9. Favorite candy/food to watch movies with: I don't eat while I watch movies.
10. Three favorite tv channels: TCM...and...yeah, that's pretty much it.
11. Favorite reality show: "Millionaire Matchmaker"
12. Favorite character on a reality show: ?
CIRCLE FOUR: WORD ASSOCIATION
(Write the first word/thing/person that comes into your head when you read this word:)
1. coffee: Yum
2. dog: Poop
3. slut: (okay, I'll do the 2nd word, because the first just isn't right)---skank
4. candy: necklace
5. pole: stripper
6. ocean: wave
7. brave: heart
8. loving: "All My..."
9. cookie: Monster
10. death: Mobile
11. life: Time television for women
12. child: bearing hips
CIRCLE FIVE: WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER:
(bold the one you prefer)
1. Ten guilty men go free OR One innocent man goes to jail for life---It kind of depends on what the guilty guys did.
2. Eaten by a lion OR Eaten by thousands of small insects---lion definitely. Lions are cute. Bugs are ugly. I think even if I was having my face ripped off at the moment, I might appreciate a big furry kitty to look at.
3. A life of contentment without love OR A life with love and heartache: Love is contentment.
4. Skydiving from a plane OR Bungee jumping off a bridge: whatever's cheaper
6. No television OR No music: no television, definitely. Music makes life so much better.
7. No more pizza, ever OR No more chocolate, ever: I could go either way on this one.
8. A trip to Europe OR a trip to Hawaii--Europe. I don't go on vacations to sit around on my ass looking at the ocean.
9. An hour with your future soul mate OR An hour with a lost loved one: I'm hoping that I don't have a future soul mate. Definitely the hour with a lost loved one. My grandma before Alzheimer's got the best of her.
10. No longer being able to cry OR No longer being able to feel the need to cry: I'm too autisticy to understand this question.
11. Sex without love OR love without sex: Now that's just embarassing.
12. Loving someone who doesn't love you OR being loved by someone you don't love: Are we talking stalkers here?
CIRCLE SIX: THE LOVE LIFE
1. Are you currently in a relationship: yes
2. Are you currently looking/interested in someone: I should hope so.
3. Are you a virgin?: Good lord.
4. If yes, how long do you plan to be one: Do people really plan that out?
5. How many times have you been "in love": Once
6. Looking back, how do you feel about that person(s) now: The same
7. Name three things (physically) you look for in someone: I'm not looking for anybody
8. Name three things (mentally/emotionally) you look for in someone: See above
9. Biggest turn offs include: saying "Yes?" when I say "Jesus Christ!"
10. Your ideal date would be: I don't date.
11. You want to get married, where, when, how: Yes, Hauberg Civic Center, August 11, 2001
12. Does anyone have feelings for you right now that you don't return: Yes, creepy homeless guys
There were originally 7 "circles" but the last one was really dumb so I skipped it
Just a facebook survey that I already did because I'm too unmotivated to post a real blog.
1. What time did you get up this morning? Way too early. 6-ish. My husband was getting ready for work and wanted to chat. My responses were mostly "Grrrrrr"
2. How do you like your steak? Rare, actually, but I don't feel that it's socially acceptable to order "rare" so I order medium-rare, and hope for blood.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Hangover
4. What is your favorite TV show? Hm, I don't really have the attention span for TV shows anymore. Maybe "Mad Men"
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I don't know, maybe Paris.
6. What did you have for breakfast? a banana w/ peanut butter smeared on it.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Ooh, look who's fancy with their big French words...I don't know. I'll eat anything.
8. What foods do you dislike? Pasta
9. Favorite Place to Eat? El Rodeo in Davenport.
10. Favorite dressing? I'm not into dressings. They make the food too slimy.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? A big honking minivan most of the time. When I'm kidless, a smooth Toyota Camry.
12. What are your favorite clothes? I really like fancy dresses that make me look like a drag queen, but it's not like I have much opportunities to wear them. Same thing applies to my leather pants.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? I really like Europe. Anywhere on that continent would be okay with me.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Stuck in the middle (yeah yeah) and the pain is thunder (yeah yeah)
15. Where would you want to retire? I'm already retired.
16. Favorite time of day? After the kids go to bed. I don't really perk up until 7 pm-ish.
17. Where were you born? Big Maq---Maquoketa Iowa
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Michael Jackson's dancing.
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? I'm not tagging anyone. I don't like to impose
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? bleh
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? bleh
22. Bird watcher? I go through phases, but mostly I'm too lazy to fill the bird feeder.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night
24. Do you have any pets? Two cats
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? My kids are all potty trained. That's exciting news in my world.
26. What did you want to be when you were little? I changed my goals a lot. Consistency has never been my strongest suit.
27. What is your best childhood memory? I don't know.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Cats, because they are so much less work and emotional neediness than dogs.
29. Are you married? For the time being. Not for long if my husband keeps waking me up at 6 am though.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes, always
31. Been in a car accident? Apparently when I was a newborn---in pre-carseat days---my parents were in an accident and I went airborne and slammed against the windshield. Good times.
32. Any pet peeves? Way too many
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Shrooms
34. Favorite Flower? Irises (Irii?)
35. Favorite ice cream? Anything with lots of chunks.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? I like them all.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? I think I failed my permit test once.
38. From whom did you get your last email? Facebook
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Goodwill. I liike quantity over quality.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? yes, unfortunately.
41. Like your job? it has its high points
42. Broccoli? Sure.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Spending 3 weeks in Europe in 2002. I ran into Michael Jackson on that trip. That's not why I like it, specifically. I'm just making conversation.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? MP
45. What are you listening to right now? Kids chasing the cat.
46. What is your favorite color? Red. Definitely red.
2. How do you like your steak? Rare, actually, but I don't feel that it's socially acceptable to order "rare" so I order medium-rare, and hope for blood.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Hangover
4. What is your favorite TV show? Hm, I don't really have the attention span for TV shows anymore. Maybe "Mad Men"
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I don't know, maybe Paris.
6. What did you have for breakfast? a banana w/ peanut butter smeared on it.
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Ooh, look who's fancy with their big French words...I don't know. I'll eat anything.
8. What foods do you dislike? Pasta
9. Favorite Place to Eat? El Rodeo in Davenport.
10. Favorite dressing? I'm not into dressings. They make the food too slimy.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? A big honking minivan most of the time. When I'm kidless, a smooth Toyota Camry.
12. What are your favorite clothes? I really like fancy dresses that make me look like a drag queen, but it's not like I have much opportunities to wear them. Same thing applies to my leather pants.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? I really like Europe. Anywhere on that continent would be okay with me.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Stuck in the middle (yeah yeah) and the pain is thunder (yeah yeah)
15. Where would you want to retire? I'm already retired.
16. Favorite time of day? After the kids go to bed. I don't really perk up until 7 pm-ish.
17. Where were you born? Big Maq---Maquoketa Iowa
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Michael Jackson's dancing.
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? I'm not tagging anyone. I don't like to impose
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? bleh
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? bleh
22. Bird watcher? I go through phases, but mostly I'm too lazy to fill the bird feeder.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night
24. Do you have any pets? Two cats
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? My kids are all potty trained. That's exciting news in my world.
26. What did you want to be when you were little? I changed my goals a lot. Consistency has never been my strongest suit.
27. What is your best childhood memory? I don't know.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Cats, because they are so much less work and emotional neediness than dogs.
29. Are you married? For the time being. Not for long if my husband keeps waking me up at 6 am though.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes, always
31. Been in a car accident? Apparently when I was a newborn---in pre-carseat days---my parents were in an accident and I went airborne and slammed against the windshield. Good times.
32. Any pet peeves? Way too many
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Shrooms
34. Favorite Flower? Irises (Irii?)
35. Favorite ice cream? Anything with lots of chunks.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? I like them all.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? I think I failed my permit test once.
38. From whom did you get your last email? Facebook
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Goodwill. I liike quantity over quality.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? yes, unfortunately.
41. Like your job? it has its high points
42. Broccoli? Sure.
43. What was your favorite vacation? Spending 3 weeks in Europe in 2002. I ran into Michael Jackson on that trip. That's not why I like it, specifically. I'm just making conversation.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? MP
45. What are you listening to right now? Kids chasing the cat.
46. What is your favorite color? Red. Definitely red.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Yeah, I'm not real good at conviction and stuff
So a few weeks ago, I decided I spent too much time at home with the kids, messing around on the computer and I decided I should try to socialize more with the world.
Yeah, I'm kind of done with that. I thought I should try to join a stay at home mom playgroup, but I couldn't force myself to do it. I used to go to this a few years ago, but it really can be torturous to talk with a bunch of stay at home moms. I'm including myself in this, obviously. If I don't get out much, and they don't get out much, there isn't much in the way of interesting conversation, you know? When the only thing you have in common is that you procreated, the conversations always lead back to kids, and I can only take so much kid talk. I'm around kids all day (and I love them, really, despite my complaining.) When I have the rare chance to be around a grownup, the LAST thing I want to talk about is kids. The second most popular topic of conversation seemed to be scrapbooking.
I.DON'T. SCRAPBOOK. I am very passionately anti-scrapbook, in fact. To me, sitting around documenting every event in your child's life with ribbons and glue and sparkles is pretty much the creepiest thing I can think of. My mom got me a scrapbooking kit once, when I was on bedrest. It was nice of her to try to think of activities I could do while I was a beached whale, cooking babies in my belly. I gave it a shot, even. But it was a dismal failure. I pretty much just glued my pregnancy tests and ultrasound pictures in the book. When my sister looked at it, she was like "Yuck! Didn't you pee on these?" Whatever. I. DON'T. SCRAPBOOK.
Other than that, I couldn't really think of any other ways to talk to people. I looked at craigslist, thinking there would be people wanting workout partners and stuff, but yeah, not so much. Oh, there were lots of ads looking for lonely housewives, and I'm pretty sure that if I met up with them they wouldn't want to talk about scrapbooking. But yeah, no thanks, creepy weirdos. Craigslist seriously is comedy gold though. Good lord. There are a lot of freaks out there.
So pretty much I decided that sitting around the house with the kids isn't really a bad option. So while we sit around the house, they play and I mess around on the computer. I tried to stay away from facebook, but just found myself looking at equally addictive stuff...Michael Jackson videos on youtube. (But you already know all about that) Hours of entertainment were found watching very random videos of MJ. Oh yeah, and remember how I said before that I believed my mom's theory that Michael Jackson was castrated? Um, not anymore. I've seen the footage. Totally into girls and totally not castrated. I won't post the link, for those of you that aren't interested in seeing video of Michael Jackson getting a boner (which I would assume would be pretty much everyone except for me)
Craigslist and Michael Jackson erection videos pretty much convinced me that Facebook isn't really that bad of a website to be addicted to.
So I'm back, after---what?---a week hiatus? Maybe two? Conviction has never really been my strong suit.
Yeah, I'm kind of done with that. I thought I should try to join a stay at home mom playgroup, but I couldn't force myself to do it. I used to go to this a few years ago, but it really can be torturous to talk with a bunch of stay at home moms. I'm including myself in this, obviously. If I don't get out much, and they don't get out much, there isn't much in the way of interesting conversation, you know? When the only thing you have in common is that you procreated, the conversations always lead back to kids, and I can only take so much kid talk. I'm around kids all day (and I love them, really, despite my complaining.) When I have the rare chance to be around a grownup, the LAST thing I want to talk about is kids. The second most popular topic of conversation seemed to be scrapbooking.
I.DON'T. SCRAPBOOK. I am very passionately anti-scrapbook, in fact. To me, sitting around documenting every event in your child's life with ribbons and glue and sparkles is pretty much the creepiest thing I can think of. My mom got me a scrapbooking kit once, when I was on bedrest. It was nice of her to try to think of activities I could do while I was a beached whale, cooking babies in my belly. I gave it a shot, even. But it was a dismal failure. I pretty much just glued my pregnancy tests and ultrasound pictures in the book. When my sister looked at it, she was like "Yuck! Didn't you pee on these?" Whatever. I. DON'T. SCRAPBOOK.
Other than that, I couldn't really think of any other ways to talk to people. I looked at craigslist, thinking there would be people wanting workout partners and stuff, but yeah, not so much. Oh, there were lots of ads looking for lonely housewives, and I'm pretty sure that if I met up with them they wouldn't want to talk about scrapbooking. But yeah, no thanks, creepy weirdos. Craigslist seriously is comedy gold though. Good lord. There are a lot of freaks out there.
So pretty much I decided that sitting around the house with the kids isn't really a bad option. So while we sit around the house, they play and I mess around on the computer. I tried to stay away from facebook, but just found myself looking at equally addictive stuff...Michael Jackson videos on youtube. (But you already know all about that) Hours of entertainment were found watching very random videos of MJ. Oh yeah, and remember how I said before that I believed my mom's theory that Michael Jackson was castrated? Um, not anymore. I've seen the footage. Totally into girls and totally not castrated. I won't post the link, for those of you that aren't interested in seeing video of Michael Jackson getting a boner (which I would assume would be pretty much everyone except for me)
Craigslist and Michael Jackson erection videos pretty much convinced me that Facebook isn't really that bad of a website to be addicted to.
So I'm back, after---what?---a week hiatus? Maybe two? Conviction has never really been my strong suit.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
There's a reason I only give birth to boys
Usually when you think about having kids in an abstract manner, most people think it would be nice to have both boys and girls. No one is ever like "Oh, I only want boys!" or "I'm only having girls!" You know? But you can't really plan it out, what sex of child you have. And that's how I ended up with three boys.
Yes, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a girl. I know that having a girl would make for a very different parenting experience for my husband, at least, since having three sons means having three guys who are obsessed with your wife. (Every boy starts out as a mama's boy.) A girl would be nice to have around to play Barbies with, I think. I was a big time Barbie-devotee back in the day.
But you know what? I love my boys and I would totally be a really horrible mother to a girl.
This is how I know. As we were leaving the gym today, we were parked next to a vanful of little girls who were piling out as we were going to pile in. I told my guys to wait and let the girls go first, reminding them "Ladies first". (I am doing my part to add some gentlemen to the male population)
Anyway, as the little princesses passed by, I happened to hear one wee one, maybe 3-ish, complaining to her mom about her sister. I didn't catch most of it, but what I did hear was "I'm so upset because she is hurting my feelings."
I think I probably looked at her like she was an alien. I have never once in my life heard one of my boys talk say "hurting my feelings." And this is how I know I would be a terrible mother to girls. My response to "she is hurting my feelings" would totally be "get over it." I'm so mean. Or, I'm just meant to mother boys.
Yes, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a girl. I know that having a girl would make for a very different parenting experience for my husband, at least, since having three sons means having three guys who are obsessed with your wife. (Every boy starts out as a mama's boy.) A girl would be nice to have around to play Barbies with, I think. I was a big time Barbie-devotee back in the day.
But you know what? I love my boys and I would totally be a really horrible mother to a girl.
This is how I know. As we were leaving the gym today, we were parked next to a vanful of little girls who were piling out as we were going to pile in. I told my guys to wait and let the girls go first, reminding them "Ladies first". (I am doing my part to add some gentlemen to the male population)
Anyway, as the little princesses passed by, I happened to hear one wee one, maybe 3-ish, complaining to her mom about her sister. I didn't catch most of it, but what I did hear was "I'm so upset because she is hurting my feelings."
I think I probably looked at her like she was an alien. I have never once in my life heard one of my boys talk say "hurting my feelings." And this is how I know I would be a terrible mother to girls. My response to "she is hurting my feelings" would totally be "get over it." I'm so mean. Or, I'm just meant to mother boys.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Hot mess
I have to rant a little here. What is up with the people who go to the gym to workout, then don't workout?
In any given fitness class, about half (or more) of the class walks out of the class with their hair still perfect, not a drop of sweat anywhere to be seen. What is the point of that? Why spend an hour or more in a shoved in a tiny room with dozens of strangers if you aren't even going to move and make it worth your while?
Yes, everyone should listen to their bodies and move at their own pace. But seriously, the perfect hairstyle ladies drive me crazy. And I think I drive them crazy too, because I am the anti-perfect hairstyle lady. I am literally a hot mess when I workout. If I don't have fuck-me-hair (that's a Mario expression)when I'm done working out, I consider the experience a failure.
When I go to workout, I want to get my money's worth. For example, in Zumba class, it's supposed to be dancey. Lots of corny cha-chas and dips and nerdy stuff like that (not knocking it at all. I love nerdy in all shapes and forms) But then there is often a lot of hip bumps and shimmies and thrusting and that kind of business. I am really not a good dancer at all, but I BRING IT when it comes to a good hip thrust. While the fake blonde, not a hair out of place women are demurely swaying front and back about an inch, I'm going at it like a drunk, uncoordinated stripper. While they frantically towel off a stray drop of sweat that might happen to seep out of a single pore, I'm looking like 1970's era, fat, sweaty Elvis.
See Exhibit A
Today in a Zumba class, after a particularly hip-centered number, I heard two of the non-movers behind me say, in a catty, shocked tone "There are children in here!"
So the fuck what? People for some reason bring their kids to the class with them a lot. Not sure why. If they were participating, it would be one thing, but most of them just sit off to the side and watch. Annoying.
Anyway, what is wrong with kids seeing some shimmying and hip shaking? Every freaking day, my kids and I watch a Michael Jackson concert dvd. We dance along with it and sorry, but MJ's moves are not rated G.
See exhibit b
(Side note: based on that video, I think every man in the universe should be required to buy a pair of metallic gold pants.)
I also like to hula hoop while watching music videos with the kids and nothing gets the hips shaking like a hula hoop. I don't think my kids will grow up to be sexual deviants because we dance a lot. At least they won't grow up to be repressed extras from the cast of "Footloose". People get so hung up on themselves. Because they're too self-conscious or whatever to shake their asses, they think everyone should be.
People are afraid of sweat too, I think. Sweat is good. Pretty much everything that is fun for me involves sweating. I'm not afraid of getting sweaty and hot. It means you're moving, you're burning calories, you're not sitting on your ass.
And personally, I think the sweaty look is a good look.
See Exhibit C (try 2:07-ish)
I developed a big-time girl crush on Gwen Stefani back in high school, pretty much based on this. Or maybe not so much a girl crush, but I wanted to be her, and jump around all sweaty on a stage, wearing a crop top. (I couldn't wear the crop top then, and I can't today. Unless Santa brings me a tummy tuck for Christmas.)
What I really need to do is find a cardio striptease class in the QCs. And if I can't find one, I need to start one! How much fun would that be? And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to find a stripper pole class. They have those in big cities, but not around here (believe me, I've done the research). All that twirling around and climbing and sliding looks like so much fun. You can buy stripper poles for home use and I SO wanted one, but my husband nixed the idea (yeah, I know, I don't get it either.)
So anyway, there's my little rant. People who aren't comfortable in their own skin drive me bonkers. If you want to stand there and sway a little bit and call it a workout, then wonder why you're not losing weight, more power to you. If I go to a dance class, I'm going to move. As long as I keep my clothes on, and leave out the Michael Jackson crotch grabs (in public anyway), what's the harm?
In any given fitness class, about half (or more) of the class walks out of the class with their hair still perfect, not a drop of sweat anywhere to be seen. What is the point of that? Why spend an hour or more in a shoved in a tiny room with dozens of strangers if you aren't even going to move and make it worth your while?
Yes, everyone should listen to their bodies and move at their own pace. But seriously, the perfect hairstyle ladies drive me crazy. And I think I drive them crazy too, because I am the anti-perfect hairstyle lady. I am literally a hot mess when I workout. If I don't have fuck-me-hair (that's a Mario expression)when I'm done working out, I consider the experience a failure.
When I go to workout, I want to get my money's worth. For example, in Zumba class, it's supposed to be dancey. Lots of corny cha-chas and dips and nerdy stuff like that (not knocking it at all. I love nerdy in all shapes and forms) But then there is often a lot of hip bumps and shimmies and thrusting and that kind of business. I am really not a good dancer at all, but I BRING IT when it comes to a good hip thrust. While the fake blonde, not a hair out of place women are demurely swaying front and back about an inch, I'm going at it like a drunk, uncoordinated stripper. While they frantically towel off a stray drop of sweat that might happen to seep out of a single pore, I'm looking like 1970's era, fat, sweaty Elvis.
See Exhibit A
Today in a Zumba class, after a particularly hip-centered number, I heard two of the non-movers behind me say, in a catty, shocked tone "There are children in here!"
So the fuck what? People for some reason bring their kids to the class with them a lot. Not sure why. If they were participating, it would be one thing, but most of them just sit off to the side and watch. Annoying.
Anyway, what is wrong with kids seeing some shimmying and hip shaking? Every freaking day, my kids and I watch a Michael Jackson concert dvd. We dance along with it and sorry, but MJ's moves are not rated G.
See exhibit b
(Side note: based on that video, I think every man in the universe should be required to buy a pair of metallic gold pants.)
I also like to hula hoop while watching music videos with the kids and nothing gets the hips shaking like a hula hoop. I don't think my kids will grow up to be sexual deviants because we dance a lot. At least they won't grow up to be repressed extras from the cast of "Footloose". People get so hung up on themselves. Because they're too self-conscious or whatever to shake their asses, they think everyone should be.
People are afraid of sweat too, I think. Sweat is good. Pretty much everything that is fun for me involves sweating. I'm not afraid of getting sweaty and hot. It means you're moving, you're burning calories, you're not sitting on your ass.
And personally, I think the sweaty look is a good look.
See Exhibit C (try 2:07-ish)
I developed a big-time girl crush on Gwen Stefani back in high school, pretty much based on this. Or maybe not so much a girl crush, but I wanted to be her, and jump around all sweaty on a stage, wearing a crop top. (I couldn't wear the crop top then, and I can't today. Unless Santa brings me a tummy tuck for Christmas.)
What I really need to do is find a cardio striptease class in the QCs. And if I can't find one, I need to start one! How much fun would that be? And I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to find a stripper pole class. They have those in big cities, but not around here (believe me, I've done the research). All that twirling around and climbing and sliding looks like so much fun. You can buy stripper poles for home use and I SO wanted one, but my husband nixed the idea (yeah, I know, I don't get it either.)
So anyway, there's my little rant. People who aren't comfortable in their own skin drive me bonkers. If you want to stand there and sway a little bit and call it a workout, then wonder why you're not losing weight, more power to you. If I go to a dance class, I'm going to move. As long as I keep my clothes on, and leave out the Michael Jackson crotch grabs (in public anyway), what's the harm?
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