Up-side down. Boy, you got me feeling in-side out. Round..and...round

I like to do headstands. And every time---I mean EVERY---time I do a headstand, this song runs through my head. It's totally not related to yoga or headstands at all. It's mostly about how Diana Ross totally likes the way her man (Berry Gordy? Gene Simmons? Michael Jackson?) gives her some good lovin' and makes her feel all kinds of sideways. She's not really talking about inversions. But still, sexual themes notwithstanding, it's a good headstand theme song. Up-side down. Boy, you got me feeling in-side out. And round...and...round.

By request, I'm going to chat a bit about my quest to do a perfect headstand

I never, ever, ever stood on my head until I was 30 years old. My mother taught me to be weary of breaking my neck and therefore paralyzing myself, so I avoided anything that my cause quadripeligia (that's can't be a real word, can it?) "Do you want to break your neck?" I heard that any time some roughhousing/gymnasticsy stuff was going on. No, I do not want to break my neck.

But now I guess I don't care about being paralyzed. I've been making up for lost time. I love me some upside-down.

When I first starting get deeper into yoga than the occasional Rodney Yee dvd, I was going to a very basic class at a gym. There was no sort of upside-downedness in this class. But I started reading more and saw lots of upsidedownedness in books so I decided to give it a shot. I taught myself how to do a headstand by a wall by kicking my legs up violently. It worked. I got up there and I was pleased with myself.

This is one of my first successful attempts, I think:

http://i.imgur.com/NJCOS.jpg

I was just so proud of myself that I could do it that I had to capture the moment. Capturing the moment was kind of difficult though because my husband refused to take the picture because he hates all things yoga-ey (I know, probably grounds for divorce) and didn't want any part of it. So I had to set the self timer on the camera, run over to the headstand spot, kick up, then get my balance all in 10 seconds. So anyway, for the last year, I've pretty much been doing all of my headstands in that manner...rushing to get up there as fast as I possibly could, then trying not to fall over.

But I got a lot of lectures about my frantic headstand style, lectures that were reminiscent of my mom saying "Do you want to break your neck!'. So I've been working on doing it the "right" way.There's no kicking up fast as you can the proper way. It's all careful and safe and crap like that, and it all comes from ab strength..

This is where I definitely notice that I've had three kids, including a set of twins that weighed almost 15 lbs of baby at the time of delivery.. My abs are pretty much shot. I'm not even talking about the flabby skin over it that I can do NOTHING about (believe me, I've tried.) I'm talking about the abdominal muscles underneath. The way it was explained to me by a plastic surgeon was that the abdominal muscles are like a rubber band. If you take a rubber band and stretch it all the way out (like, say, put a 6.5 lb and 8 lb baby in it at the same time), even after you stop stretching it, it will retract some, but it's never going to go back to the original strength and tautness that the rubber band/belly was at before the stretching out. (A plastic surgeon told me this when I got a consult about a tummy tuck. You can judge me. I'm okay with that. I have no problem with cosmetic surgery. I've had a nose job. I like Michael Jackson. The only reason I didn't get a tummy tuck is because it's freaking expensive.)

So anyway, my overstretched rubber band abs aren't really doing the job they are supposed to do in doing a proper headstand. So I'm working on it. Every freaking day I try to do a headstand the real way and it's getting a little better.

The deal I made with myself was that when I could do a real headstand, I could treat myself to the most gluttonous meal available in the Quad Cities, the Ross' Magic Mountain. I've never had one because they are definitely a heart attack on a plate, but they do look delicious. A giant plate of fries with cheese and meat and onions. Drool...(then die of a heart attack)

I think I might have earned my Magic Mountain.

One night I was kind of drunk and I decided to work on my headstands. Because I was kind of drunk, I didn't think to myself "Wow, you're drunk! You shouldn't be doing headstands! Do you want to break your neck?" So I did a headstand and it. was. perfect. I have yet to recreate it in a sober state, but hey, I did it once, so it counts (or maybe I was just so drunk that I imagined I did it? That's an option too)

So anyway, that's what I'm working on these days. I should probably get drunk again so I can try to notice how I do headstands differently (and better) while intoxicated.